Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
