I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
