her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
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I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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