Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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