I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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