when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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