Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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