Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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