Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
