just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
