So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
