no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He shit in the fireplace
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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