Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
