rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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