I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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