Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
