he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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