I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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