Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
