so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
