Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
