I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
