I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
