yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
