Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
