She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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