Porn is love you can see.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
