i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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