So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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