is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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