Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
