Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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