I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You ruined the universe
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
