"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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