He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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