I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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