I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
