a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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