The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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