You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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