dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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