I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
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He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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