Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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