Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
