last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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