whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
