I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize