she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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