you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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