after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
