in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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