a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
