How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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