May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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