I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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