I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He shit in the fireplace
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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