that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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