just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
