hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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