The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize