her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
