Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
