I swear she didn't look like that last week.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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