theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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