First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Randomize