I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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