Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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