i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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