so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
