Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
