You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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