two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize