I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
