u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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