thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When are your genitals available?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
