One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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