i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
