I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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