I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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